


A Debtor's Grave

by Mustang_Girl16



Series: One Shots [5]
Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Gen, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote A Poem Just To Do This, One Shot, Original Character(s), romanogers if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-11
Updated: 2017-05-11
Packaged: 2018-10-30 18:51:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10882839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mustang_Girl16/pseuds/Mustang_Girl16
Summary: “They say we make the beds we sleep in and though I believe it true, I prefer to call it a debtor’s grave. We don’t sleep you see, for the thorns are too painful a reminder that our lives are no longer ours. For we sleep in debtor’s graves, six feet deep is where we’ll one day be. And I’ll keep my debts mine ‘til the day I die, for I have become debtor, and a debtor forevermore will I be.”-A Debtor’s Grave by Mustang_Girl16---Steve knew what owing someone a debt was like. He grew up in Brooklyn after all. You did what you had to, to get by and sometimes that meant setting aside what was morally right to protect the ones you love. That’s why they were here, so that maybe Natasha might see the difference.





	A Debtor's Grave

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, yeah I know I got other stuff to be working on, but I was looking through my one shots and noticed this was almost done and so I finished it. This was supposed to be part of Heaven, but I had no clue where to put it, it only about a quart way fit the plot so I nixed it. Then it some how turned into this. Or wait was it for Something Green? I don't know it was part of something and I nixed it and turned it into this! So don't be surprised it I reuse some of Steve's words in other fics because I just like those words so much!
> 
> Anyways...this is more a Steve/Nat friendship I can't honestly tell you when this happened, but it's after TWS and between Ultron. Steve finds her and she's knee deep in shit from her past. you get the idea. I was going to say something else, but I'm blanking. Tissues you may need them, I did. Uh...yeah my one shots are very depressing sorry. 
> 
> DISCLAIMER: The "lyrics" are mine. I don't know I couldn't find anything I liked so I just threw something together. The thing at the bottom and top is also mine. I suck at writing poems so sorry. The characters as in Steve and Natasha and Sarah Rogers they are marvel the others are mine. Plot mine. No money. Sadly, but that would probably take the fun out of this so...
> 
> Anyways Enjoy!

_“They say we make the beds we sleep in and though I believe it true, I prefer to call it a debtor’s grave. We don’t sleep you see, for the thorns are too painful a reminder that our lives are no longer ours. For we sleep in debtor’s graves, six feet deep is where we’ll one day be. And I’ll keep my debts mine ‘til the day I die, for I have become debtor, and a debtor forevermore will I be.”_

_-A Debtor’s Grave By Mustang_Girl16_

* * *

Natasha didn’t know why Steve had dragged her out to an old cemetery in Brooklyn. She was still trying to figure out how he’d found her in Costa Rico. Well she really hadn’t made it that hard she guessed. She was leaving bodies behind after all. But Steve took one look at her, seeing the bruises from her encounter with an old foe and refused to leave unless she went with him. So she did and now they were here, wandered through the old tombstones of the cemetery until they finally reached a small rectangular stone under an old willow tree. Natasha stopped next to Steve looking down at the old forgotten stone she read the inscription:

_Nuala Anne Rogers_

_1912-1931._

There was nothing else inscribed, no thoughtful words, no loving whatever’s.

“Who is she?” Natasha asked as Steve bent down to clear off some fallen leaves.

“My sister.” Steve sat down and patted the patch of grass beside him. Natasha sat down next to him, cautiously. He’d never said he’d had a sister before.

“I didn’t know you had a sister.” Steve sighed.

“Nobody does.” Natasha took another look at the engraving on the stone and her heart clenched. The girl was only nineteen.

“She was so young…what happened?” Natasha looked over at Steve who took a shaky breath. He smiled sadly looking down at his hands.

“You remember last year when you asked me how I got so good at reading you.” She nodded. She didn’t know why she’d asked it.

“Yeah, but I trust you so…” Steve nodded, looking back down at his hands again.

“Nuala…” Steve smiled slightly. “Nuala was my older sister. There was a middle, but my ma missed carried and after that her and my pa decided to move here to America. Nuala was beautiful, a mind of her own, and head strong like you wouldn’t believe. Not exactly good traits to have back then. It drew attention and the attention came. She loved to sing, had a beautiful voice too…”

Steve took a deep breath.

“You know I was sick a lot. We didn’t have much and when Nuala was old enough she would try and help bring in money when she could. She would sometimes sing on the streets, other times sew…then one day she got noticed and was offered the chance to sing in a club. It would bring in money and she would get to do what she loved. I remember her coming home so excited, sixteen years old and someone wanted her to sing. Ma of course was weary of the idea, but back then at sixteen you could do a lot on your own. Of course then we didn’t know _who_ had noticed her.”

“She got caught up with a bad crowed.” Natasha said, seeming to understand a little more.

“Irish Mafia. Timothy O’Hara. He was the son of James O’Hara and was only a few years older than Nuala. He’d stop and watch her sing, I’d see him sometimes as he’d walk her home. She fell for him, hard. I was too young to know at the time how dangerous it was exactly, all I knew was that my sister seemed happy and that was good enough for me. My ma on the other hand was doubtful and she had every right to be.”

_“Come on Stevie, don’t make me late now.” Nuala called for her baby brother as Steve caught up taking Nuala’s hand before crossing the street to the club._

_“Where are we Nuala?” Nuala smiled and looked down at him._

_“O’Hara’s, this is where I’ll be singin’ from now on. And I’ll be getting paid for it too! Timmy’s father owns the place, so you have to be on your best behavior.” Steve nodded as they walked into the club._

_“There you are kitten! And you must be Steve.” Timothy said bending down to shake Steve’s hand._

_“Sorry about this, ma was able to pull another shift and I didn’t wanna leave him alone.” Mr. O’Hara walked up to them._

_“Of course not. A child shouldn’t be left unattended. He’s welcome here as long as it’s not at night.” Nuala smiled._

_“Of course not. Thank you again Mr. O’Hara, for everything.” He smiled nodding slightly._

_“Hey Steve, Nuala told me you’re into art is that right?” Timothy asked. Steve beamed, nodding. “Then here I have a present for you.”_

_Timothy handed Steve a small package and he looked from him to Nuala before opening the paper._

_“Gee! Lookie Nuala! I’ve never had new pencils before.” Nuala gasped, as Timothy scuffed Steve’s hair._

_“Oh Timothy you didn’t have to-” Timothy smiled._

_“I know. But from what you’ve told me he’s gonna be in galleries one day and every artist should have at least a new set of pencils.” Nuala smiled looking down at her brother._

_“What do we say?” Steve looked up beaming._

_“Thank you Tim!”_

_“Just remember me on opening night.” Steve nodded making sure he remembered._

 

“Nuala spent a lot more time out of the house after that. She’d always come home on time though and would watch me when Ma went off to work. Sometimes she’d even take me with her to the club so she could practice before night hit. I liked him, Timothy, he was nice. A little off putting at times, but comes with the background I guess. His father on the other hand…not so much. He wasn’t outwardly mean or anything, but just the way he’d look at her, at Nuala…” Steve shook his head.

 " _Mama, please listen to me.” Nuala asked as Steve walked back inside from Bucky’s. Sarah turned around to face her daughter._

_“I don’t like that man, Nuala, he’s no good and you know it!” Nuala sighed trying to not lose her temper._

_“His father has a reputation, but Timothy isn’t like him!” Sarah shook her head._

_“I don’t know what’s gotten into that head of yours!” Steve watched his Ma and sister. They never fought and he thought about backing out, but he coughed and both women turned around._

_“Steven are you alright?” Sarah asked walking over to her son and kneeling down. He shrugged._

_“My chest’s a little tight.” Sarah looked worried at him pressing her hand to his head._

_“Nuala, heat up some water won’t you.” Nuala nodded, doing as she was asked and while the fight ceased, Steve’s cold didn’t._

_Sarah sat worried on the edge of his bed as he went in and out of consciousness. His chest feeling like it was being compressed by cinder blocks._

_“Mama?” Sarah turned around and Nuala knew the answer to her question already. Her baby brother was going to die and there was nothing she could do. “What can we do?”_

_“Nothing.” Sarah said grimly. “We can’t afford to take him to the hospital. The treatments too much.”_

_“But there is a treatment?” Nuala asked. Sarah nodded._

_“It’s experimental still, but far past our price range. Only time will tell now.” Sarah looked at her watch. “Watch him for a few minutes will you?”_

_Nuala nodded taking the compress from her mother as she took her coin purse and walked out the door. A few minutes later there was a knock on the door and Nuala stood opening it._

_“Timmy what are you-” Nuala asked surprised._

_“Father wants to help.” Nuala looked at him curiously._

_“What do you mean?” He took her hand._

_“I told him about Steven, and he wants to help pay for the treatment.” Nuala’s eyes widened._

_“My ma will never say yes.” He shook his head._

_“I know.” Nuala looked at him._

_“Tim, it’s not my decision to make.”_

_“But he’ll die without it. He’s so young Nuala, please just let us help.”_

_Nuala looked back at her baby brother, barely able to take a breath. Tim was right…without the treatment Steve would soon be dead. She took a deep breath turning back to him._

_“I owe you.” Tim smiled walking inside and over to Steve. Nuala looked at her brother kneeling down to shake his arm as he gained consciousness again._

_“Everything’s going to be alright, I promise Stevie.” Steve nodded slightly before closing his eyes as Timothy took him in his arms carrying him from the house._

 

“I still remember the relief on my ma’s face when I woke up, but there was something else there too. I remember her coming in and out because she was working, but Nuala was nowhere to be found. I just figured it was best she not be in a hospital with other sick people.”

Steve let his head fall back against the tree trunk as he tried to hold onto his composure.

“I went home a few days later and Nuala was there, but that’s when things really changed. She and ma argued a lot and I didn’t understand why. She still watched me though, but she kept a lot of secrets. One day, ma had to leave for work, a night shift and Nuala hadn’t come home yet, but she kissed me goodnight knowing Nuala at least always came home.”

“She didn’t that time?” Natasha asked knowing how this was going to end already.

“No, she did. It was really early in the morning. I’ve never been too heavy of a sleeper and she thought I was still asleep…”

  _Steve heard the door creak open and the sound of Nuala’s barely audible footsteps. He could tell something was wrong with how she was walking. She’d taken the oil lamp from the counter and into the bathroom leaving the door open a crack. Steve got up from his bed walking over to the bathroom. He heard her hiss in pain quietly, trying not to make a sound and it worried him._

_He waited till he heard another hiss as to not walk in on her changing before knocking and pushing the door open the rest of the way. Nuala froze at her young brother’s intrusion and Steve’s eyes went wide when he saw the bruises on her arms and legs. She grabbed her robe slipping it on over her slip._

_“Nuala what happened!”_

_“Stevie get out! It’s not appropriate for you to walk in like that.” She snapped at him_

_“Why are you hurt?” The anger dissipated from her slightly at the sight of his eyes brimming with tears._

_“Out. Now.” He turned around and closed the door knowing better._

_Steve sat on his bed tears in his eyes. He might have been a kid, but he knew better. She was not fine, she was hurt._ Someone _had hurt her. She came out a few minutes later dressed in her pajamas and sat down next to him, silently._

_“It’s nothing I promise.” He looked up at her and could see the stubborn set look, the one she used when she didn’t want anyone to know what she was feeling._

_“Who hurt you?” she put a hand on his shoulder._

_“I can handle myself, don’t you worry about me. But this needs to stay between us understand? Mama can never know.”_

_“But it’s wrong to keep things from her! Especially if you’re hurt.” She sighed._

_“I will tell her when I see fit. It’s not yours to tell understood.” He looked up at her the tears spilling slightly._

_“You promise you’ll tell her?” Nuala brushed the tears away from his cheeks smiling softly._

_“I promise. Now come on its far too late for you to be staying up.” Steve looked up at her hesitantly, but ultimately agreed as she pulled back the blanket for him to get underneath tucking him in. “How about a song, hm?”_

_Steve nodded, he loved it when she sang especially her lullabies that she’d written._

_“Oh come oh come sweat dreams,_

_Come rest with ye_

_Oh come sweat dreams,_

_For ye have not a care in the world_

_For in you, may sweat dreams be_

_Oh come oh come sweat dreams,_

_Come rest with ye_

_Oh come sweat dreams,_

_For ye have not a care in the world_

_For in you, may sweat dreams be_

_Sweat dreams to you, deartháir beag_

 

“Sometimes she’d come home and just slip into bed, not a word. She’d cry sometimes when she thought I was asleep and sometimes I’d go and lay down next to her out of my own fear I guess…but as soon as the first rays of light hit the window she acted as though nothing was wrong. And everyone bought it. Even my ma, not as much as everyone else, and I never told a soul about that night.” Natasha felt her heart clench.

“Steve you don’t have to-” he shook his head.

“Yeah…I do.” He swallowed taking a shaky breath.

“About two years later, Nuala and I were walking back from school and Mr. O’Hara comes out of nowhere…”

  _"How was school?” Nuala asked, as she and Steve walked home. Steve shrugged._

_“I didn’t get another shiner so I guess you can say it went well.” Nuala rolled her eyes at her brother._

_“Yes, I guess that is a good day indeed.” She smiled down at him, but he stopped walking when he noticed a car parked out front of their building. Mr. O’Hara stepped out and he looked up at Nuala, her face giving nothing away. “Stevie go upstairs.”_

_“But Nuala-”She glared down at him._

_“I told you to go upstairs.” She pushed him towards the stairs and watched him walk up to the next level before turning around._

_Steve watched from the first floor, and listened carefully, but they were too far away for him to hear. He watched as Mr. O’Hara grabbed her by the arm forcefully hissing something in her ear, before dragging her to the car. Nuala looked up at the complex meeting his gaze. She didn’t look afraid like he thought she would, but almost as if she knew this was coming…as if she had already accepted her fate._

 

“I waited for her to get back, but I never saw her again. To this day I still don’t know what happened to her. There isn’t even a body laid here, just a stone marking that day. Ma was heartbroken, but I knew she saw it coming. There was no way she didn’t. A few years later and I’m the only one left. I knew Nuala wouldn’t miss ma’s funeral if she-if she were still around, so I bought this one with ma’s. First time I’ve been back since the day it was placed.”

He let the tears come then and Natasha felt like she should say something, but didn’t know what. She never had any siblings, no one to care for until Clint and Laura, but even then…

“Why did you bring me here?” Natasha looked him in the eye then, at the worry he had. He looked away opening the bag he’d brought with him, and pulling out several very old, but not too frail books.

“I got a call a few days ago from a woman in Brooklyn. You see parts of the area I grew up in is still being developed amazingly and the building I had grown up in was being demolished. It’d been renovated a few times, but they finally gave up a couple decades ago. Anyways the woman said there was an old basement that was used for storage or whatever, but was rarely ever touched, and when they were taking out the bricks in the walls they found an old bunker.” He took a deep breath.

“Eighty years they’ve been sitting there, sealed in a metal box wrapped in cloth. Just stored inside the wall. Nuala had turned it into her own world down there. No one used it so she’d go there to be alone. It was meant to be a bunker in case we were bombed, but it honestly wouldn’t have done much. The woman who was overseeing everything saw the name inside the books, didn’t know who she was, but was able to locate me and wanted to know if I knew of a woman who lived in the building by that name. She said there’s more, but I didn’t have the heart to look, she was kind enough to pack everything up for me and send it to me.”

“You never had anything left of her before?” Steve shrugged.

“Not like this. Not every account, every name, everything she did. I put hole in the wall.” He held up his slightly scrapped up hand, but he’d been on a mission before so she’d just assumed…

“She did everything, for me. Said she did it, because out of everyone she’d ever met in her life, she thought I could move mountains. That I’d make a difference in the world no one else could. She owed O’Hara a debt, and did everything she could to fulfil it. But more kept piling up, because she based everything she had on that one debt. Eventually she felt herself drowning in them, and tried to get out, but she couldn’t. He threatened her, told her he helped give me my life back and he could take it away just as easily. So she left, said nothing because she didn’t want her mistakes, her failures…her life ruining mine. But the one thing she never understood, was she couldn’t have ruined my life. She never asked O’Hara to save me, he just went ahead and did it. Knew that I could be used against her.”

Natasha looked down at the little headstone, now understanding why he’d brought her here. He could read her, because she was like Nuala, because she reminded Steve of Nuala.

“I’m not going to let anyone try and take me back to do their bidding, Steve.” Steve shook his head.

“I know. That’s not what this is about Nat.” He took her hand in his again looking her in the eye.

“You keep basing your friendships on debts. You think you owe us something when you owe us nothing.” That was a conversation from a long time ago. Why bring it up now? She would always owe him, owe Clint for what they’d done.

“Yes, you’re my friend and I don’t base that over debts not anymore at least.”

“But you still feel like you owe us something. You run when you feel too close to people, I see you pulling away. Nuala…Nuala did what she thought was best and it cost her everything. Please don’t do this to yourself, stop blaming yourself, stop letting them…stop letting them control you. You owe them nothing, so why do you keep giving them everything?”

Natasha looked away from him then, tears in her eyes. This was the last thing she had expected when he asked her to come with him.

“I don’t want to, but you have no idea the things I’ve done.” Steve shook his head.

“I don’t have to. But what I do know is the woman you’ve become. That’s why I’m telling you this, because no one told her. Yes, we make the beds we sleep in, but the funny thing about beds? We remake them every day. Buy new sheets, pillows, add blankets. They are ours to do with what we want.” He lifted her chin so she would look at him. “What do you want, Nat?”

“I want to be free, but I don’t know how.” She told him and he wiped a tear from her cheek.

“I’ll show you.” He stood holding out his hand for her.

She looked up at him still slightly unsure, but the small smile that graced his lips gave her all the confidence she needed. Grasping his hand, she let him guide her from the debtor’s grave, no longer afraid to rest her head.

**Author's Note:**

> deartháir beag: Gaelic for little brother  
> Yeah, I don't know. I thought it was odd Steve had zero siblings, but then my gram told me about how her father was raised on the other side of the state because his parents couldn't afford to take care of both him and his little brother and so they sent him to live with his grandparents since his brother was very sick as a child and he was raised by them and then I don't know how but it somehow led to me wondering if Steve's parents would do that and then I got this. Like I don't even know.


End file.
